The power of assumptions

I recently had a conversation with someone I met on social media which touched on the fact that I have no children.

He assumed that I had children and when that was corrected, he assumed that I didn’t by choice.  And that second assumption upset me every time it flashed through my mind as the day went by.

In hindsight, I can see that I was affected because of the felt judgement of his statement and that my reaction has roots in years of being bombarded with assumptions from family, friends and strangers about my childlessness.

I have learned that, and clearly still need to come to peace with, there is a belief that over a certain age a woman should have children, and that if she doesn’t, it was her choice.  Such an assumption does not take into consideration individual circumstances such as social, medical, emotional or physical constraints or factors.  It doesn’t consider that voicing any judgement is insensitive.

What have I taken away from that random conversation?  There are areas in my life that I need to tend to while asserting boundaries around them with care and grace.  That I can do nothing about the behaviour or assumptions of others, but I can maintain my equanimity and do the work on myself if I am triggered.  And finally, that I too must be self-aware enough about my assumptions and biases to know that sometimes I may be the offending party.